YuYuKo will EaT YoU

We, the village of honest folk, have been, since our inception, a group of just eight. Nearly two years ago we decided to move into the eastern mountains, and honestly speaking, every day since has been a bore. However, just the other day, one of our group discovered a hidden passage by the wild peach tree, and through that passage we went, wandering into this paradise. Not long after, I quit being human.

I, the most curious of our group, hurried ahead of the others into the depths of the forest, whereupon I heard a voice calling me—and turned to face a mysterious clown. Happily it held out to me what appeared to be the famous jeweled branch of Hourai, but the instant I reached out to take it, my head—it seems—was separated from its body. Unable to move, never again could I return to my companions—the honest folk—who now number seven.

Not even the servants of the first emperor of China succeeded in their quest for the elixir of life… How can you expect me to believe anyone could find the jeweled branch of Hourai?

In the morning, I saw a shrine maiden dressed in red and white dancing over the surface of the pond. The earliest riser of our group, I was enchanted by her ruthless, radical dance for quite some time. Eventually it began to rain, but by the time I had come to my senses, she was gone.

Another strange person has found their way here, it seems. I must do something before they find their way to the shrine… But that young girl…does not seem to be either human or youkai.

The rain knew no end—and the shrine maiden, her body drenched, faded behind its curtain as if she had become part of it. But while I was enthralled by her, the rain worsened into a frightful storm, and I, the most beautiful of our group, was captured by a clown. Into the storm, it vanished with me, and I was unable to return. Only six of our group—the honest folk—remain.

I wonder if, even now, she still sleeps under that cherry tree. But as its once crimson flower petals grow lighter, year after year, perhaps nothing remains left under the ground.

That night, the six of us held an oriental party, but I, the youngest of our group, could not yet drink liquor or smoke opium and was terribly bored. So, alone, I crept away from the event, but in the pitch darkness I was captured— by an ominous clown. My head was cut from by body with ease, and never again would I experience boredom. So now, only five of our group—the honest folk—remain.

The opium smoke hovers like a cloud, and billows into every corner of town. I live in an autonomous settlement, where people in colorful outfits dance the waltz. Your magic will not reach me here.

I ran, and ran—until I was out of breath. The most cowardly of our group, I had grown afraid of this so-called paradise. I expected as much, but no matter how far I ran, I could not find my way back. Since the one I loved had vanished, no longer had I any reason to live. So in my despair I hung a noose from a thick tree branch and tied it around my neck. I expected the end but as moments came and went I realized I had regained conciousness. Was the rope I tied not strong enough…? I wondered. Thus I, the most cowardly, was reborn. With nothing to lose, I decided I would once more pretend to be human.

“Youkai? In this day and age? That’s nonsense.” But I know the truth: That this only is what youkai want humans to think—so they can live in peace. That, in the end, youkai are far more realistic and peaceful than humans.

The five of us awoke in darkness. According to one, we had been snatched away by a mysterious clown. While the other four were constructing an infantile escape plan, I, the wisest of our group, realized it would be best to wait it out, but I did not interject. However, contrary to my expectations, the four’s plan to escape succeeded, and by not joining them I forever missed my chance to escape. While I was biding my time in the darkness, I felt a presence behind me, but did not act, letting events happen as they may. The last thing I felt was was a hot sensation running down my back.

This doll… O how I want to throw it away. After all, a black crow keeps coming to take its blue eyes away in its beak—real blue eyes. I know, because I’m always putting in new ones.

We made our brilliant escape and felt like geniuses. All that remained was for us to return to the home we found in paradise. None of us had any doubts about the others, for we were honest folk, and all great friends…

Up next is bird-man! This marvelous creature is a child born from the crossing of a human and a rare bird of paradise known only to exist in countries to the far south! Its parents long dead, we discovered the thing as a poor and desperate orphan! But our troupe rescued it! Aren’t we just awesome?

Paradise prepared a perfect abode for us to stay in: an ancient, western-style mansion, which has always welcomed us. However, I noticed that although a large amount of food was normally prepared for us, only half of that amount is now necessary, for our number— the number of us honest folk—has dwindled to half in no time at all.

The rain will not cease. Not since I wandered into this house have I ever seen the sun. How many days has it been? I cannot say. The dolls keep talking to me. They will not cease. So I twisted their heads off, and finally—it appeared—the rain had stopped.

I always took my coffee in the afternoon, but the bitter drink I was accustomed to tasted a bit sweet that day. Little did I know, my coffee had been spiked with a love potion… Thus I, the most mature of our group, fell in love with a beautiful clown and then proceeded happily to fall further, into a deep sleep. And so, three honest folk remain.

Of course not. I’m no idiot. If I told my friends, they would just laugh at me. Who else would believe that store sold love potions? That’s why I broke the piggy bank without telling anyone.

I discovered one of our companions, killed clearly by some sort of poison. It could not have been suicide—of that I was sure. However, although I distributed it randomly, I was the one who brought everyone their coffee, so of course I did not tell the others of his death. After all, the only clear suspect was me. So I, the most distrusting of the group, refused to eat or drink anything I did not prepare myself, and strived to stay awake until the other two slept. That night, the three of us each entered our separate rooms and locked the doors. By then, I was sure one of the other two was the culprit.

Then, all of a sudden, I heard the sound of someone hammering a nail into wood. Which one of them is it? I wondered, my face twisting in fear as I peered out into the dark. With each thud I could feel a sharp pain in my hands and feet, as if six inch nails were being hammered into me. At first, I thought about consulting a medium, but then I realized the obvious: I cannot move, because I am being nailed to a tree. Which of the two of them is doing this to me?! I thought desperately. But then, I felt the final nail pressed against my brow. As I suspected, a face came into view—but before I could cry out, the lights went out.

What a fool you are. Don’t you realize living an honest life only prepares you to meet a cruel fate? Or did this otherworldly escape paralyze the sharp senses you used to call your own? Don’t you still yearn for the bustling towns, for riches and pleasure? I only wanted a fresh start—to return to the days we lived as a band of thieves—but now… Having finished my work, I made preparations for breakfast, and waited for dawn to break.

It is strange enough that a western-style mansion was built in the middle of the forest with no roads leading to or from it, but the young woman who lives there almost never comes to town. I have, however, seen a girl who appears to be her daughter around sometimes. How do I know it is her daughter and not some other girl? Well, she looks just like the young woman did when she was a child.

Barely hanging on to consciousness, I, the earliest riser, knew I was already at death’s door. There was something in this morning’s ham and eggs. How stupid I was, not to realize the truth until our group had been whittled down to just two. It was all *** fault. I should have killed *** the moment *** went mad. Regardless, it is all too late now… I thought as I began to drift off. Is that… No, I must be hallucinating. Why would that shrine maiden be here? Was…her hair really that blonde? Nevertheless, I thought, I would give up the rest of my life to hallucinate just a little longer— but before I could voice such a wish, only the first part came true.

You really have no imagination. Anyone could make you fall for a trap if they so wished. Given a culprit with the imaginative power of U.N. Owen, it is obvious they could have a rope around your neck before breakfast.

I, the reborn member of our group, was assaulted by an intense drowsiness after yesterday’s dinner. I awoke with a spitting headache and could not remember anything about the night before. It felt as if I had been dreaming for a very long time… If only I did not have to wake to this… I thought, as reality stared back at me. One of our group was poisoned by their coffee, another was nailed to a tree, and yet another was beheaded and… It only made sense for the one poisoned to be the last to die. In that case… I wondered, is that what happened? It’s the only way. Something must have been put into my dinner as well. But that does not matter now. What matters is that I am all alone. I have nothing left to regret leaving behind in this world full of lies. I made sure this time the rope was sturdy as I tied it to the ceiling and around my neck, and kicked the chair I stood on—and this time my body never again reached floor.

And then there were none.

Nothing happened today, and tomorrow I have nothing planned. After all, no one comes here, neither humans nor gods. Youkai? Oh, they come here every day.

The shrine maiden of paradise experienced yet another peaceful summer. In her diary, she recounted these events:

August Xth
About the only thing that happened today was I met a beautiful blonde-hair girl who came walking from the direction of the ruins of the western-style mansion in the forest. I felt I had seen her somewhere before, but I did not waste any thought on such a trivial thing. As she bowed to me in greeting, she stuck her tongue out in jest, before turning around and laughing her way towards the exit out of paradise. What a strange girl. Now that I think of it, she was the only woman in that group of eight honest folk— not that it matters. All in all, today was yet another boring day.

In this paradise, otherwise known as Gensoukyou, the number of humans decreased by eight and seven corpses were carried away by youkai. The honest folk are now gone forever, but in the end, all that has changed is a subtle shift in numbers. You cannot claim that to be news.

Lately the number of people who thoughtlessly accuse happenings on magic or youkai are increasing. Honestly, it is depressing.

This is probably the first time we’ve met, so nice to meet you. I’m ZUN. I’ve been composing for a long time, but am just now accidentally putting out a music CD. Its contents run against the flow of modern times, a kind of love letter to retro sensibilities. It is certainly not full of the sort of stylish, dance-game type music you encounter nowadays, but I am sure it is a perfect match for people who love the kind of straight-game music that was a hit not too long ago (a tiny target audience). However, there is a bit of a girly-tastic flair to the music as well, so for those into that sort of thing, I would love you to listen as well.

From here on out, I plan to continue composing “antique” original melodies in both eastern and western styles.

As a final note, it is possible that while listening to this CD, you may find you cannot feel at ease for some reason. I think that may be because when people (or things) step off the beaten path, they give up certain guarantees of safety. Hourai Dolls may be an un-healing CD, what with the hanging and all…

　2002.8.11 ZUN (Illegitimate Child of the Honest Village, the Most Acrophobic of Them All.)

Nice to meet you—if indeed this is the first time—I am ZUN. This CD is the mass-produced version of the one I released at C62. The tracks themselves are all ones I made a long time ago, so listening to them now is a bit embarrassing. Most are arrangements of tracks I used in my own shooting games. My hope is that, through this music, you might feel something that harkens back to the bygone era of arcade games.

Also, to those abandoning Japan to fly off overseas, I especially hope you will listen to this CD as well.

Shanghai Alice Illusionary Orchestra
　　　　　　　　　　　　Music Composer / Arranger ZUN