Cruel CRuEL

Requested by: HKJ, ME

Phew this took me a long time. Trying to translate lyrics as greatly crafted as RD’s is a lot of work…

I’m going to have to take a brain break after this or I might go insane.

Notes:

“Alone, contemplating that oppressive night sky”
^”Oppressive sky” is actually read in the fourth line over the “threatening hallucination”, but as always I want to mix what is written and what is read, not choose one over the other, and if I fit it all in one line it would be too long, so I just sort of moved the phrase to another place where it would make sense, and linked it with “its” :)

“As I lie here blaming myself, I only deepen my pain / In a bitter swamp of ambivalence”
^The translation here is a bit indirect. A more direct translation would be “To me, (as I see) myself blaming myself, that image (carries an) ambivalence of where I stop thinking of anything and just suffer.” or something like that.

“It fills me with an impatience lined with relief”
^Think… shivering drug addict. It’s there, out of reach, but it’s there, I want it, I want it, I want it, but just seeing it, just seeing it even, just…

“In other words, mind-stopper”
^Imperishable Night Spell Card 112: 懶惰「生神停止(マインドストッパー)」Laziness/Idleness, “Cease to all Mental (Life) Functions – ‘Mind Stopper'”

“Though I even wish I would lose my mind / I cannot drive myself insane”
^In the original it’s more “Only I cannot be driven insane (by my eyes)”

“私は狂えるのか”
^it’s a little hard to explain the power of this moment. It’s a question, like a plea: “Is it somehow possible for me to lose my mind?” or you could interpret it as under the stress “can I in this way, finally lose my mind?” Either way it is said while she is crying probably choking up.

Also, a note on the last section’s ambiguity:

Speaker:
“Can I lose my Mind?” Can I be given the relief to endure that fate, however cruel it may be?

Answer:
“Well, such is fate. (You are right, it is cruel).”
^I interpret this as a “no”. As it would be more cruel for her to not be driven insane.

Then the last stanza:
With the determination and willingness to accept a fate of insanity at her side, the question she asked repeats again and again within her, as she received no clear, no real answer. This claws at her heart, both the aspect that she would rather choose insanity, and that even with that choice, it might not even be possible, no matter how long or hard she tries.

Truly, a Cruel Fate.

Cruel CRuEL
狂気の瞳~Invisible Full Moon|東方永夜抄
Vocals:めらみぽっぷ
Arrange&Lyrics:RD-Sounds
Circle:凋叶棕 (RD-Sounds)
Album:遙 (Haruka)
Event: C80

届く筈もない、遙かなー
この手の、その先にー
見捨てた筈の、故郷の幻影ー
見上げながら、囚われるー
想いを振り切るー

そんな勇気も持ち合わせずに…

todoku hazu mo nai, haruka na –
kono te no, sono saki ni –
misuteta hazu no, furusato no gen’ei –
miagenagara, torawareru –
omoi wo furikiru –

sonna yuuki mo mochiawasezu ni…

Far beyond the reach of my outstretched hand
Is a phantom shadow of my homeland I
Deserted, I.. thought I had abandoned but,
As I look up at the sky, I am captivated
If I could just shake these feelings

But, I cannot find the courage to do so…

呻いて
独り、夜を反芻する
汗ばむ
脳裏を掻き乱す脅迫幻覚

そして
見た悪夢の残滓から
一心不乱に眼を逸らす

umeite
hitori, yoru wo hansuu suru
asebamu
nouri wo kakimidasu asseisora

soshite
mita akumu no zanshi kara
isshinfuran ni me wo sorasu

I cry out
Alone, contemplating that oppressive night sky
I sweat
As its threatening hallucinations stir my brain

Then
From the vestiges of the nightmare I saw
It takes all my will to look away

波長は
語りかける、容赦なく。
私は
耳を強く塞いだままで

遙かな
届かぬ場所の幻影を
噛み潰そうと悶え、足掻く。

hachou wa
katarikakeru, yousha naku.
watashi wa
mimi wo tsuyoku fusaida mama de

haruka na
todokanu basho no gen’ei wo
kamitsubusou to modae, agaku.

Its wavelengths
Speak to me, mercilessly.
And I
Shove my fingers in my ears,

Clench my teeth
Trying to rid myself the phantoms
Of that place far out of reach, struggling – writhing

見つめて来るのだ
懐かしい仲間の影が。

顔のない皆は口を揃えて…

怨嗟の声を叩き付ける
“裏切り者が!”と叫び立てる

mitsumetekuru no da
natsukashii nakama no kage ga.

kao no nai minna wa kuchi wo soroete…

ensa no koe wo tatakitsukeru
“uragirimono ga!” to sakebitateru

I can see them now..
Nostalgic shadows of my friends and comrades.

All of them, faceless, bring their voices to a chorus…

Striking me with their curses and resentment,
Screaming, “You traitor!!”

見捨てた
愚かな
この身を
呪えど

何も変えることは出来ない。

自己が自己を責め立てる様は
苦渋のアンビバレント

misuteta
oroka na
kono mi wo
noroedo

nani mo kaeru koto wa dekinai.

jiko ga jiko wo semetateru sama wa
kujuu no ambivalence

Though I may
Curse myself
A fool for
Deserting

There is nothing I can change.

As I lie here blaming myself, I only deepen my pain
In a bitter swamp of ambivalence

届かない
手の先に
もどかしくも安堵する
顔向けなど到底出来はせず

いっそ自分こそを何よりも、
狂わせられればいい…

todokanai
te no saki ni
modokashiku mo ando suru
kaomuke nado toutei deki wa sezu

isso jibun koso wo nani yori mo,
kuruwaserarereba ii…

There it lies beyond the reach
Of my outstretched hand
Filling me with an impatience lined with relief
So much I can hardly face it directly

If it must come to this, I would much rather if I…
If only I could be driven insane!

何も出来はしない、
私を罵る
月が煌々と。

nani mo deki wa shinai
watashi wo nonoshiru
tsuki ga koukou to.

Unable to do anything
I am disparaged
By the moon shining bright and brilliantly.

上辺は
穏やかなこの暮らし
懶惰
つまりはいわゆる精神停止

そして
言葉に出来ぬ想いを
抱く先から、追い立てられる

uwabe wa
odayaka na kono kurashi
laziness
tsumari wa iwayuru mind-stopper

soshite
kotoba ni dekinu omoi wo
idaku saki kara, oitaterareru

On the surface
What a “peaceful life” this is
Laziness
In other words, mind-stopper

And so
I am driven away by the very ones
For which I have feelings I cannot put into words

逃避の果てに
目指す夢の中。
そこさえも
昔の記憶に侵された

ああ、
何をなすべきなのかさえも
わからないまま惑い、苦しむ。

touhi no hate ni
mezasu yume no naka.
soko sae mo
mukashi no kioku ni okasareta

aa,
nani wo nasubeki na no ka sae mo
wakaranai mama madoi, kurushimu.

At the ends of my flight
In the middle of a waking dream
Even here I am
Assaulted by memories of the past

Ah,
Not knowing what I should do,
I wander, lost and suffering.

見つめて来るのだ
痛ましい自分の影が。

眼窩に暗い炎を灯して…

怒りの声を解き放つ
【臆病者が!】と喚き散らす

mitsumetekuru no da
itamashii jibun no kage ga.

ganka ni kurai hikari wo tomoshite…

ikari no koe wo tokihanatsu
“okubyoumono ga!” to wamekichirasu

I can see it now..
My own pitiful shadow.

A dark flame catches in my eye sockets…

And I cry out in anger,
Wailing, “You coward!!”

穢れた
憐れな
この身を
嘆けど

何も変えることは出来ない。

幾度も倫理と抗い
それでも赦されないまま

kegareta
aware na
kono mi wo
negakedo

nani mo kaeru koto wa dekinai.

ikutabi mo rinri to aragai
sore demo yurusarenai mama

Though I may
Weep for myself
Pitiful and
Disgraced

There is nothing I can change.

Though I may fight over what is moral or right
That will not bring about my forgiveness

何処までも
何時までも
この場所で膝を抱え
今が現実と言い聞かせつつ

そうして全てを誤魔化して、
生きてゆくしかない…

doko made mo
itsu made mo
kono basho de hiza wo kakae
ima ga genjitsu to iikikasetsutsu

soushite subete wo gomakashite,
ikiteyuku shikanai…

No matter where I go
No matter how much time passes
As I sit here clutching my knees and
Ask myself now whether this is reality

I can do nothing but lie to myself and
Pretend none of this is real…

なにも忘れられぬ、
私を蔑む
月が爛々と。

nani mo wasurerarenu,
watashi wo sagesumu
tsuki ga ranran to.

Unable to forget,
I am scorned
By the moon blazing with light.

曰く
“許しが欲しいのか?”
曰く
【救いが欲しいのか?】
曰く
『よくも、貴様など…』

『そのまま罪の意識に苛まれ続けるがいい!』

iwaku
“yurushi ga hoshii no ka?”
iwaku
“sukui ga hoshii no ka?”
iwaku
“yoku mo, kisama nado…”

“sono mama tsumi no ishiki ni sainamaretsudzukeru ga ii!”

As if to say
“You want forgiveness?”
As if to say
“You want redemption?”
As if to say
“How dare you!”

“Forever writhe in the consciousness of your sins!!”

呪えど
嘆けど
怨めど
憎めど

変わらぬ身がただ疎ましく

狂いたいと願いさえすれど、
自分だけは狂わせられぬ

noroedo
nagekedo
uramedo
nikumedo

kawaranu mi ga tada utomashiku

kuruitai to negai sae suredo,
jibun dake wa kuruwaserarenu

Though I may curse
Though I may weep for
Though I may despise
Though I may hate

Myself, unable to change, I only feel disgusted

Though I even wish I would lose my mind
I cannot drive myself insane

昂れど
憂えど
荒ぶれど
嘲えど

結局辿り着く袋小路

耳以上に歪んだ心が
瞳より紅く涙する

takaburedo
ureedo
araburedo
azawaraedo

kekkyoku tadoritsuku fukurokouji

mimi ijou ni yuganda kokoro ga
hitomi yori akaku namida suru

Though I may get emotional
Though I may grieve
Though I may rage
Though I may laugh and scorn

Every road I take leads to a dead end.

And my heart more twisted than my ears
Cries tears a deeper red than my eyes

“私は狂えるのか?” そんな “残酷な運命”。

ーこれが定めだ、と。

“watashi wa kurueru no ka?” sonna “Cruel Fate”

-kore ga sadame da, to.

“Can I lose my mind?” What “Cruel Fate.”

-“Such is Fate.”

受けいれたつもりで、
終わり無き問いが
心、掻き乱す。

ukeireta tsumori de
owari naki toi ga
kokoro, kakimidasu.

Willing to accept insanity,
Endlessly my question
Claws at my heart.

    • Fukkatsu
    • October 31st, 2011

    Realize you must be up to your neck in various work but I’ll throw in a request if that’s ok. Just ’cause I’m SHOCKED at the fact these lyrics don’t exist anywhere on the net…

    I simply must have this, please… D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXPJqIgh8qM

    • It’s on my immediate list – I was feeling in a Chen mood – that said, it still might take a while >.>

        • Fukkatsu
        • November 4th, 2011

        Oh, thanks for even considering it!

        • Fukkatsu
        • November 4th, 2011

        LOL WTF, 90% OF MY POST DELETED BY ITSELF. O-O Your site hates me or something… QQ

        lol I just said that it’s unbelievable how not a single site holds these lyrics and the song is an awesome masterpiece even with the weird high-pitched vocalist. It actually fits.

        Please take your time. :3

        • Fukkatsu
        • November 4th, 2011

        DAMN had to make another post, sorry. Cuz I just forgot to add that romaji to the lyrics would be VERY appreciated. If not, it’s ok if I can just copy/paste them too, lol.

        Thank you… :>

    • Dustbunny
    • November 1st, 2011

    Yesss I have a thing for this song too. You put so much work into these translations, it’s really amazing and makes listening to the songs that much better. Love. :D

    • Thank you very much :D
      I especially love translating lyrics like this, RD always knows how to make a story out of a song.

    • Chou
    • November 2nd, 2011

    Dear god these lyrics, they make me see Reisen in a whole new wonderful light.
    Someone hardworking who keeps herself working to keep her mind off of her past yet also to stop herself from repeating the same mistakes.

    I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, god damn you RD, stop making me feel things!

    And now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be adding this to my “Listen to once a day” playlist consisting of Nega/Posi 5 times and now this 5 times as well… RD and Merami, you are oh so wonderful at making me addicted.

    • Yeah, RD is my favorite lyricist of all time. He’s really clever with everything, and on top of that I don’t think I’ve ever found any one else so intricate with arrangements. Sure Shibayan and Masayoshi Minoshima like to play tricks so you can hardly recognize the original but RD is Magical if Shibayan’s Mechanical Phantasmagical..

  1. kafka-fuura…
    I’ve finished my own translation for this song
    but…I’m here for a request
    May I use the picture that you’ve used at the end of this article?
    This picture is appropriate for this song, and I need it to be placed in my own ….ah…article…May I?

    It’s a great translation,thanks~

    Fractal

    • Yeah, go ahead – it’s not really mine to begin with – I just found it on pixiv :)

      I just like to put the artist’s tag or name or pixiv id somewhere so it’s easier for people to find more of their work … and the original’s here. [link] (I always compress the images a little bit so the quality on this post’s not as good as the original).

    • love-love
    • June 13th, 2013

    Did you know the artist who draw this first pic?

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