Bad Apple!! Lyrics (and rambling)
So I got up this morning and played Tenhou again – I hadn’t played in a while – and that was back when I wasn’t very good :x – but now I seem to be :D every game I’ve played today I’ve come up on top – and I finished the last one nicely here, against a rank 1 (一級) and second-level (二段): I’m not quite sure I know how their hierarchy works but I sure felt good about it ^^;
So scanlations for Glorious Revolution #01 went without a hitch, you’ll find it around somewhere. I hope this gets more people to flock to Stripe Pattern’s site, because he really is awesome.
I spent last night watching the Minami-ke! 5 no 2! Utamatsuri Dayo! Hokago Daibakuhatsu!! DVD “Live” Concert thing and I enjoyed it. Kobayashi Yuu is now one of my more favorite people. I had no idea that Chihara Minori played Chiaki!! I knew she was in the cast somewhere, but I couldn’t picture her as Chiaki, but she is! More so than the songs (some of which were actually pretty good) it was fun just to see all the voice actors and actresses on stage. Plus, Hosaka (Ono Daisuke, who also plays Koizumi in Haruhi) was awesome, and well, was very much Hosaka – if you know what I mean.
Well anyway “Bad Apple!!” is the stage 3 song of Touhou 4 – Lotus Land Story, which is Elly’s stage – Elly being a gatekeeper youkai infamous for her boomerang scythe.
This song is about a girl whose heart is in the sky, far enough from her so that she is numb to emotion but not so far that she is truly “heartless”. She does not move for if she parted too far from her heart she might lose her mind and destroy whatever she could, trying to fill the hole that the heart left, yet she is tired from doing nothing, feeling nothing, knowing nothing, even if she is protected from emotion. The stupor is getting to her so she wavers upon returning to sadness and emotion in order to call her heart back, or leaving it completely behind, traveling to make everything as dark as she would become. – That’s what I pull from it anyway.
—
Bad Apple!!
Adapted From ARCD0018 “Lovelight”
Bad Apple!! – 東方幻想郷
Lyric: Haruka
Vocal: Nomico
流れてく 時の中ででも 気だるさがほら グルグル廻って
私から 離れる心も 見えないわ そう知らない？
nagareteku toki no naka de demo kedarusa ga hora guru-guru mawatte
watashi kara hanareru kokoro mo mienai wa sou shiranai?
Flowing down through time, my listlessness rolls round and round
I cannot see my heart, that’s already left me – didn’t you know?
自分から 動くこともなく 時の隙間に 流され続けて
知らないわ 周りのことなど 私は私 それだけ？
jibun’ kara ugoku koto mo naku toki no sukima ni nagasaretsudzukete
shiranai wa mawari no koto nado watashi wa watashi sore dake?
Though unmoving, I continue to flow through a gap in time
I don’t know of anything around me, only that I am me, is that all?
夢見てる？ なにも見てない？ 語るも無駄な 自分の言葉？
悲しむなんて 疲れるだけよ 何も感じず 過ごせばいいの
yume miteru? nani mo mitenai? kataru mo muda na jibun’ no kotoba?
kanashimu nan’te tsukareru dake yo nani mo kan’jizu sugoseba ii no
Am I dreaming? Am I seeing anything? Are my own words that useless?
Sad? I’m only tired – It’s perfectly fine to continue on unfeeling.
戸惑う言葉 与えられても 自分の心 ただ上の空
もし私から 動くのならば すべて変えるのなら 黒にする
tomadou kotoba ataeraretemo jibun’ no kokoro tada uwa no sora
moshi watashi kara ugoku no naraba subete kaeru no nara kuro ni suru
Even if were hit by confusing words, my heart is but in the sky above
If it were to move from me everything might change, I would turn dark.
こんな自分に 未来はあるの？ こんな世界に 私はいるの？
今切ないの？ 今悲しいの？ 自分の事も わからないまま
kon’na jibun’ ni mirai wa aru no? kon’na sekai ni watashi wa iru no?
ima setsunai no? ima kanashii no? jibun’ no koto mo wakaranai mama
Does someone like me have a future? Do I even exist in such a world?
Now what is important? Now what is sad? I don’t even know myself.
歩むことさえ 疲れるだけよ 人のことなど 知りもしないわ
こんな私も 変われるのなら もし変われるのなら 白になる？
ayumu koto sae tsukareru dake yo hito no koto nado shiri mo shinai wa
kon’na watashi mo kawareru no nara moshi kawareru no nara shiro ni naru?
I’m only just tired from walking, I don’t know anything about people
If someone like me can change, if I can change will I turn light?
流れてく 時の中ででも 気だるさがほら グルグル廻って
私から 離れる心も 見えないわ そう知らない？
nagareteku toki no naka de demo kedarusa ga hora guru-guru mawatte
watashi kara hanareru kokoro mo mienai wa sou shiranai?
Flowing down through time, my listlessness rolls round and round
I cannot see my heart, that’s already left me – didn’t you know?
自分から 動くこともなく 時の隙間に 流され続けて
知らないわ 周りのことなど 私は私 それだけ？
jibun’ kara ugoku koto mo naku toki no sukima ni nagasaretsudzukete
shiranai wa mawari no koto nado watashi wa watashi sore dake?
Though unmoving, I continue to flow through a gap in time
I don’t know of anything around me, only that I am me, is that all?
夢見てる？ なにも見てない？ 語るも無駄な 自分の言葉？
悲しむなんて 疲れるだけよ 何も感じず 過ごせばいいの
yume miteru? nani mo mitenai? kataru mo muda na jibun’ no kotoba?
kanashimu nan’te tsukareru dake yo nani mo kan’jizu sugoseba ii no
Am I dreaming? Am I seeing anything? Are my own words that useless?
Sad? I’m only tired – It’s perfectly fine to continue on unfeeling.
戸惑う言葉 与えられても 自分の心 ただ上の空
もし私から 動くのならば すべて変えるのなら 黒にする
tomadou kotoba ataeraretemo jibun’ no kokoro tada uwa no sora
moshi watashi kara ugoku no naraba subete kaeru no nara kuro ni suru
Even if I were hit by confusing words, my heart is but in the sky above
If it were to move from me everything might change, I would turn dark.
無駄な時間に 未来はあるの？ こんな所に 私はいるの？
私のことを 言いたいならば 言葉にするのなら 「ろくでなし」
muda na jikan’ ni mirai wa aru no? kon’na tokoro ni watashi wa iru no?
watashi no koto wo iitai naraba kotoba ni suru no nara “roku de nashi”
Do I have a future in this useless time? Do I really exist in a place like this?
If ever I wish to speak of myself, all that comes out is “not enough.”
こんな所に 私はいるの？ こんな時間に 私はいるの？
こんな私も 変われるのなら もし変われるのなら 白になる？
kon’na tokoro ni watashi wa iru no? kon’na jikan’ ni watashi wa iru no?
kon’na watashi mo kawareru no nara moshi kawareru no nara shiro ni naru?
Do I really exist in a place like this? Do I really exist in a time like this?
If I were able to change, if perhaps I were able to change, would I turn light?
今夢見てる？ なにも見てない？ 語るも無駄な 自分の言葉？
悲しむなんて 疲れるだけよ 何も感じず 過ごせばいいの
ima yume miteru? nani mo mitenai? kataru mo muda na jibun’ no kotoba?
kanashimu nan’te tsukareru dake yo nani mo kan’jizu sugoseba ii no
Am I dreaming? Am I seeing anything? Are my own words that useless?
Sad? I’m only tired – It’s perfectly fine to continue on unfeeling.
戸惑う言葉 与えられても 自分の心 ただ上の空
もし私から 動くのならば すべて変えるのなら 黒にする
tomadou kotoba ataeraretemo jibun’ no kokoro tada uwa no sora
moshi watashi kara ugoku no naraba subete kaeru no nara kuro ni suru
Even if I were hit by confusing words, my heart is but in the sky above
If it were to move from me everything might change, I would turn dark.
動くのならば 動くのならば すべて壊すの すべて壊すわ
悲しむならば 悲しむならば 私の心 白く変われる？
ugoku no naraba ugoku no naraba subete kowasu no subete kowasu wa
kanashimu naraba kanashimu naraba watashi no kokoro shiroku kawareru?
If I were to move, If I were to move, I would destroy everything, I would destroy everything
If I were sad, If I were sad, Would my heart turn light?
貴方の事も 私の事も 全ての事も まだ知らないの
重い目蓋を 開けたのならば すべて壊すのなら 黒になれ!!!
anata no koto mo watashi no koto mo subete no koto mo mada shiranai no
omoi mabuta wo aketa no naraba subete kowasu no nara kuro ni nare!!!
You, I, Everything, I still know nothing.
If I lift these heavy eyelids I’ll destroy everything – and turn it all to dark!!!
kafka-fuura 
thanx for the translation !!
Is it possible to get the romaji for this song?
Just added it in! ^^
“Do a have a future in this useless time?”
Wait, do you mean “Do I have a futures” or “Does a Future exist”?
Sorry – it’s supposed to be written, “Do I have a future in this useless time?”.
Specifically it means “is there a future (beyond) this useless time” or “(if I remain) in this useless time, do I have a future?”
By itself I’d probably have used “is there a future” but the rest of the lyrics are so self-centered she’s clearly talking about whether she has a future – or at least that’s probably what I thought when I first translated this…
(Man, that was a long time ago…)
See, both in your translation and other literal ones I’ve seen, there seems to be something that’s then lost when it has to be further adapted to make something that scans close enough to the original to be singable in English.
To whit, the less rhyming and free-verse (literal) ones very much sound like someone in the throes of a deep depression, with a very poor view of themselves and, although they express some desire in or at least interest about improving and escaping (either the condition itself, or a previous life, badly lived, that’s thrown them into it) and become a better, happier person, their extreme doubt surrouding their own ability to do that, or at least to sustain it afterwards, holds them back. No matter what they do, they’re not enough, and trying to prove otherwise will ultimately fail as they will unavoidably end up tearing everything down and painting it black. It’s almost a more realistically described counterpart to the Rolling Stones classic, in a way, and extremely relatable to anyone who’s in, or has passed through such a complete emotional flatline and complete self-belief failure before.
“What should I do or say? I cannot even think, and it wouldn’t seem worth the effort anyway. If someone should help me find the words or the right path to follow, I likely wouldn’t speak or move to act anyway, because what even is the point? It won’t improve anything. It’s not even worth the effort to listen to them.
Who even am I any more? What worth do I have? Have I a hope of making anything good or worthwhile in this world, having slipped down a crack in life’s pavement, or got whipped around in the whirlpool of an emptying bath, and found myself stuck in the mental equivalent of the underworld from which I can’t seem to escape?”
Not really knowing if this is reality or a dream… unsure of one’s own current existence, even, and whether there’s any future to be had … having no voice, or any words that carry any worth…
And so on and so forth. The “not sad, just tired” part is a straight up clinical depression bullseye, and the expressions implying a weary trudging on from day to day without really noticing much of the world outside of oneself, not feeling anything (and being entirely ok with that – because to be upset by it would at least be a feeling; this has gone way beyond the point of self-harm as a method of kicking some part of the limbic system back into life), not knowing how to connect with people. It’s all there.
The parts picked out in the previous paragraphs have all the classic elements of brain fog and confusion, demotivation, completely disrupted self-esteem and deprecated self-worth, the sense of having become trapped in a chasm/cistern or a vortex (both pretty good analogies for some of the last remaining feelings you can still experience) where no-one can see you and from which there’s no coming back. And finally a dissociative fugue state, which is actually somewhat suicidal even; if you off yourself, then it’s not even really anything more than waking from a nightmare, as this can’t be the real world you’re trapped in, and if you’re unable to contribute anything of worth, and have nothing to look forward to, it’s not like anything valuable has been lost even if you’re wrong.
It’s like a goddamn textbook, in fact, or would be if it wasn’t in the style of a suicide note. I wonder which character it’s written from the perspective of. And indeed if Gensokyo is somewhat like the embodiment of that sensation given that it’s been magically closed off from the world and is stuck in a kind of late-19th-century stasis, between the threatening maws of the hellgate and demon-gate, and the almost impossible to re-enter “real world” just beyond the shrine at the border… unexpectedly allegorical, even, though I was already wondering what effect being stuck there for more than 100 years (or a couple of natural human generations) might be having on the state of mind of the residents, both supernatural or otherwise… No wonder they end up coming up with increasingly elaborate ways to pass the time, throwing clouds of unexpectedly sharp sakura blossoms at each other to find a pathway to dodge through without getting hurt, wrecking up the shrines so the maiden who looks after them starts a fight with you… *just for something to do*, all that kind of thing…
(*rolls through it picking up on any missed parts* … feelings of listlessness, of time flowing on around you without even carrying you along, instead you’ve got stuck in a very literal-feeling rut which needs more of a kick to dislodge you from… the dissociation isn’t total however as she at least knows “I am me” (bit of the beatles, there?)… the bit with her heart having left and being lost somewhere in the sky is maybe reference to whatever emotional trauma caused this withdrawal and severance from normal feeling and activity, to save from feeling any further pain or being reminded of it… to the point of not even knowing what really matters any more, or what really classes as sad… and the fear of making things even worse by daring to do, well, anything; or that to deviate considerably from what was, or what has become normal behaviour in order to recover from the condition may risk losing some essential part of oneself, to change too much and no longer be “you” any more…)
(one important point to note here is the use of colours in Japanese language, especially black; I don’t know exactly if white / light is used as a counterpart allusion to life, vitality, resurrection etc, but black / dark is certainly employed as a stand-in for death, killing/murder (and thus suicide?), and so-on, thus the contrast would make sense at least in the context of this song and the yin-yang theme running through the early games.
For example… Threatening to kill someone, Omoi o Kurose… “I’ll send you to the darkness / into the black”. So with a very strong, culturally obvious metaphor, the singer is expressing a fear that it may not be possible for them to return to normal everyday life, and that the only thing keeping them from straight up dying, or impulsively kiling themselves, is being sure to not bother and just keep on going through the motions. In fact, right at the end it’s progressed so that even if they go so far as to get up out of bed, opening up their suddenly very heavy eyes, might lead them to doing something rash and terminally self destructive regardless of original intentions. Something that is maybe not expressed quite so eloquently in English (unless we bring in figures such as Churchill’s black dog), but a position sure to be as familiar to its native speakers as to those of Japanese.
Thing is… does “turning light” imply the opposite of this, a return to normal, active, nominally happy (or at least, satisfied) everyday life, something which the singer is wonders whether they, or someone of their “type” can even do… or a different variety of death, going up into heaven’s bliss in a natural way, though it’s still not everyday life. Their heart may not be coming back, so the only alternative is to chase it into the sky. There’s some heavy metaphor in play there too. And more confusion, over whether there’s also the English style connotation (that may bias anyone reading the most perfect of translations, as cultural preconditioning always throws an extra subconscious spin on things) that “light” (but not white) = “not heavy, unburdened, low weight”, e.g. the opposite of having a heavy heart)
(there is still that last glimmer of hope, though – even if they end the song feeling that they are useless, inadequate, and likely to meet their end simply by being dumb enough to open their eyes today, particularly if the nightmare actually turns out to have been real life all along, they are still asking… IF someone *like* me could change … if then *I*, by implication, could therefore change too… is there some small chance that it could be a *positive* change?)
tl;dr someone get those damn Touhous some crisis counselling already before someone dives headlong into a danmaku on purpose just to make the mental suffering finally end. Poor girls they are, stuck in that place and destined to never even age.
ANYWAY, I think the point I’m trying to make is … do you think you could, 8 years later, mould the plasticine of these lyrics into something that would scan and rhyme in some way? Not even to the same (utterly relentless and characterisically one-note-per-syllable japanesey) rhythm or anything, just something that could be shoehorned into the kareoke version… There’s a couple perfectly good fully translated and worked-over ones out there and they sound just fine sung by a competent voice, but there just doesn’t seem to be the same impact.
Not least because of too much autotune, but the choice of words theselves seems to tone the whole thing down until it’s more an emo/nu-metal/neogoth type “oh, woe is me, I’m in emotional agony and having a shit time, but don’t bother trying to help me cuz I won’t listen to you anyway, I could probably be a nice positive person if I wanted but I prefer to live in the darkness”, teenage punk band bit of “uuuhhh the world is just so shit innit”, push-it-in-people’s-faces rebellion. Which I’m sure isn’t really intentional, it’s just the non-stop rhythm (which is more a feature of the source language and its somewhat traditional oriental leitmotif as anything – that doh-da-doh-du-dah riff that repeats over and over is very olde worlde china/japan after all, a translation could probably play a little faster and looser with the patter without hurting it, including elisions through single syllables etc) as well as the obvious problems of finding rhymes etc may have boiled much of the original texture and flavour out. And of course the emphasis (both dynamic and tonal) will probably end up in the wrong place if the copy starts out far too slavish to the original without considering those linguistic- _pattern_ and …and… sorry, i’m actually zoning out a litle, I’ve been on here too ong and that was the last sentence i was editing (the rst after here were alreaduy done)
What we want for full accuracy is more of an internal monologue, nothing you’d really say except maybe to a skilled therapist who’s drawn it out after a friends and family intervention and several buildup sessions, and patterned maybe after Morrisey and Robert Smith attemping to do a cover version of Gloomy Sunday that doesn’t *immediately* make everyone want to slit their writsts.
wooph… not sure how i ended up here (some kind of wordpress subscription thing), but yeah, I think I helped fulfil the “rambling” part of the title. 2017 wasn’t a good time.
Anyway there seems to be a new English translation out there on youtube which feels like it comes a lot closer now, which is nice. But I think it might be neat to try and mash the extant ones together with this literal take (and at least one other which is meant to be that but translates things a bit differently somehow?) and see what can be produced…
(Nasca Remix, featuring KISAKI… youtube ID 08bREGp9_L8 … the video isn’t up to much and the backing track doesn’t advance the art in a meaningful way, but the wording and singing is the interesting part)